Month End

Oh my Gosh- tomorrow it will be officially December, and right around the corner will be Christmas !!

Noooo!! I am not ready. I am trying to so hard not to be a scrooge. I have pictures tonight for my Christmas cards- Honey and I are going to pose for one. I thought with the new look and all it would be nice to share with everyone this year.

Guess what I got the HOUSE !! I think the shock factor has not hit me yet since I am still all stressed out about money. I want to get my parents paid off before I moved. Does anyone have a spare Money tree? Just trying to consolidate debt and pay things off so I can make a success of the homeownership. I have the weekend to figure things out as well.

Work, work-- we are so busy here. I was in early and poor Novy had to wake me a few times- I was dozin' at the desk on accident. Whoops !- Thanks Novy for looking out for me. You are a good person even though you are a PH.

I am in a better mood today, loading up on warm coffee to keep the cold out of my bones. ZERO degrees today with the windchill !! BRRRR!!!

Well that is all for my Random thoughts today.

p.s. if anyone has any references on financing leads I would appreciate you sharing...

Wrong side of the Bed.....

I think I woke up on the wrong side of the bed, but wait my bed is in a corner.
I cannot think of any other excuse for being in a bad mood.
I am not tired, or am I? Stressed out-- HELL YEAH.

All I could think about all night is money, the holidays, the house, my parents, and lastly me.

Stressed out. I just need to remember to take it one day at a time I guess. I sent out some letters to friends about taking a chance on me-- like an investment, lets hope I hear something back. I know it is asking alot but the repayment terms plus interest are all there and I want to do this- with my life- I need to do this to move on and up.

Sorry if I am whining, but I have to do it somewhere.

I am now trying to find my definition of Happy- what does it mean anymore? I just can never settle on it I swear. Maybe that is part of it. Maybe this is normal- trying to always achieve or try something new. Maybe that is my happy. Maybe no or maybe so? Geez, I am confusing myself. I wish life was more simple, although the simple things still seem to keep me content too.

I get to scrapbook this weekend- I have so many projects to do for Christmas it will be a good time to get these done. I am trying to have holiday cheer and all that crap as well. Gosh, I hope my my family does not disappoint me again. I need my brothers still more than they need me, but I am just not sure how to get that through to them. I don't want to give up but I am. Again I am not a bottle of glue that can keep everyone together.

Okay, okay-- stressed, and whiney-- I have to go get some coffee and nice pills.

Happy Hump day.

Holiday Hell....Giving Thanks

So I just realized I did not post about my Thanksgiving. Well !

Here goes...

Turns out it was just me, Mom & Dad and the Puppies. My brother from MN did not show up at all with his family and 4 girls. That was a bummer. Mom and I got up and went to the store that morning to get some fixins- the Turkey was already thawed out. She was not feeling well at all and it was a bad head cold. By the time we got through the store and home to put groceries away she was ready for a nap. I knew she did not feel good then. So I tucked her into bed, plugged in the Sudacare, and hooked up the DVD player to her TV so she could rest. So then off to the kitchen I went.

Cleaned the Turkey, started it in our Showtime rotiessaire. Made scalloped corn and put it in the oven, fried the gizzards, boiled potatoes and make into whippped, made stuffing, made some dessert Pistachio style and kept the kitchen the whole time. Did I mention I ran to Wal-Mart in the middle of it all? oh yeah I rocked I know. So my Dad he just watched TV and left me be - that was okay though cause everything got done within minutes of each other. He carved the Turkey and set table. Mom woke up long enough to eat with us. It was all very good. I had a bite of everything and I was happy. Dad helped me clean up the kitchen and then I was on a mad cleaning rush- shook out rugs, cleaned up the yard and continued the cleaning frenzy.

Happy Thanksgiving to me. I hope my parents are grateful of me being there and doing all of that for them. It was an okay day overall. At least I had them to share the day with. Lets hope Christmas is okay and my brother makes some time for us as well. Gosh let the next month fly on by !

And I am already tired of Turkey and potatoe leftovers !!

Gobble, gobble-- it is all over.

House Hunting

Well am I in a situation....

This whole growing up and getting older thing has gotten to me so I have been trying to settle down and look at buying a house.

Well since I made a few credit mistakes in the past I am still trying to recover from bad credit.

I did find a house within my limits and I just got the call that I am approved- WOW- me Approved ? Oh yeah- here is the catch: with 5% down or approximately $5000.00. Uh well so lets just say I don't really save money well. So it was like getting good news and bad news in the same phone call. I just need a chance to get this all to work and get small debts paid off and pay on a mortgage- I can handle both payments, but I need to get the money. I will figure something out, I swear. I cannot live with my parents forever and nor do I want to.

Okay enough of the whining for now.... It is a cute house just a small 2 bedroom for me and the Honey B- big yard and I could put up a garage in the spring. Good neighborhood and everything. Well I will sit on it and keep dreaming. It is almost the end of the year and with the Holidays coming up ( that I dread) I would just like one thing to go right for me this year. Keep your fingers crossed people :)

So I had a good weekend, I did not do much but I saw my big brother which I do not see much. I went out to the bars and had a great time. I need to come out of my shell,keep hooking up with friends and stuff or it is going to be a long winter.

Honey and I start Intermediate class ( level 2) on Thursday. I am pretty excited as this is going to be a real test of her loyalty to me and my patience with her. She is such a good girl already and I want to continue with the manners. It helps have a dog that is cute and minds their manners too :)

Well it is only Tuesday and it feels like Monday all over again. We need sunlight here, they figure we will not see any until the weekend or later and oh big surprise snow too. Funny how the weather has such an effect on your emotions and attitude. That always surprises me.

Here we go back to work again and then the next job....happy Tuesday to all.

HONEY B 1 Year Old

Yep, I told you there would be pictures !! My little girl is growing up. We start class next Thursday for intermediate. She is doing so good with the commands I hope we continue to improve. I just had to post the pictures to make me feel better. The only thing that makes me feel better is my dog, but then everyone says I am obsessed with her. Screw them, piss on the world.... I am hatin' right now.

My cute 1 year old puppy-- Honey Biker-- makes me Smile !!

Dogs are a good cure for confused heart and makes you realize you have a heart and soul. I still remember the day I picked her up at 4 weeks old and knew my life would change forever, for the better- Thank heaven for little girls ( in the form of puppies of course).

HOLIDAY HELL, its already started.

Ya know, sometimes I just want to smack the crap out of my family I tell ya.

I love my brothers dearly but I am so frustrated right now.

Here is the story:
My mom tries to make plans with my Brother in MN and his wife and girls for Thanksgiving. These plans started over a month ago. We never hear anything back from them. So I call yesterday to see what is going on. My brother calls my mom back and says they have other plans. I can tell my Mom is again disappointed in my older brother because he cannot seem to make any decisions on his own and my sister in law in again in complete control. My little brother lives down south so we know he is not going to be around. Wait it gets better. So I start wondering about Christmas. Are we even going to get together this year? My mom is already crying because she knows my little brother is not coming with his new wife and family. So now my older brother has already disappointed her on Thanksgiving-- what comes for Christmas? I don't understand how it can be so hard to remember your family on the holidays. I think of my brothers often and call, but do they- no. I want to smack them up. We are too old for this crap. This is why I don't like the holidays. Too much drama. And I live with my folks so I get to hear all the drama and get in the middle of it all. My older brother moved his family to MN- which is good- I am happy for them. But I never thought it would turn out like this and be such a big deal to get together. He needs to realize that everyone is busy and it is not just about his wife and their plans. I hope my little brother has good holidays but at the same time I wish he could be here too.

Thats it......I am gonna move and get out of the middle of this. I cannot keep the family together I am not a bottle of glue. I am actually more like a ticking time bomb of emotional issues.
It just never ends. I am so confused- I want scream at my brothers, they suck. But I love them to death. I do all the worrying about my parents. What about me? I am so confused right now. BLOG make me feel better. Make this all stop. Give me a BREAK, BRAIN BREAK please.......

Time for a good cry or better pills.

AMERICAN HUNKS

FUN, FUN !!

So I had no plans for the last weekend. I checked my phone before leaving work on Friday night and my sister in law had called. American Hunks were coming to town ! Now, if you don't know this fine group- let me explain. They are the Finest form of Male Dancers/ Strippers I have ever seen ! So we were off to a good night, I went to the bank to stock up on one dollar bills as well. I have not drank but a few times since my surgery so I thought I would have a drink or two.

SO MUCH FUN !! The guys were buff and beautiful. Lets just say it was good to be out and about for a night. The night seemed to last forever and ever. But all the fun had to come to an end..... I will never forget the Ice man. #122.

Okay, okay back to reality. The weekend was pretty quiet after my Friday night adventures. I seem to stay pretty close to home these days and with the weather getting cold I don't even want to leave the house anymore. I am not looking forward to the WI winter weather at all this year.

I just had to share about the Hunks as it was a great night. A Night to not forget, a night that reminds me of why I am a woman and that I am really still young at heart.......

Happy Birthday Honey B

Today my precious Puppy is 1 year old !! How time flies. I have had her since 4 weeks and I cannot believe we have made it this far. We also start intermediate class for training in 2 weeks- level 2. Yep, my little girl is growing up and actually trainable. She still makes me so happy. I went and got her a Doggie cake with a big red ball in it, and Petey boy- her brother gets a Giant cookie bone. Should be fun to get home tonight and see them eat their treats up. There will be pictures after the party I promise :)

Not much else new around here. I am trying to be civil with the parents and yet still avoid them. I did have a normal conversation with my mom last night. I don't know if that is good or bad. I don't know that I care, see that is the problem-- I care less and less.

I hope to get some Christmas shopping done this weekend, I came into to some extra money from Dog sitting for a friend. Bless their heart. I already have a pile of presents in the closet but it just never ends.


Well I cannot think of anything else to say-- My mind is wandering this late in the afternoon and it is so cold outside.

Keep warm people. Peace.

Evil Thoughts...

I just had the worst weekend ever. I get home on Tuesday and my family misses me right. WRONG !! By Friday night I am fighting with my mom over the most pathetic thing ever. Me picking on her dog. Give me a break, I really think she needs her head checked. She can take one little petty thing- twist it up and around and throw it back in my face to make me feel like a total loser. DOUBLE STANDARDS are a real big problem for her I do believe. So yeah we yelled at each other and I split, I was not going to get treated like crap because she was in a bad mood. I live with my parents. And I love them very much, but my time is running short. I do owe them money but my debt has gone down from many, many thousands to just a few personal debts. That was my point of living with them. Nothing is every going to be good enough for her- no matter what I do. She gets in a bad mood and points out every fault and even makes some up. That hurts and I am tired of being the fall guy. So I am on a mad mission to get a personal loan, pay them off and get the hell out. Honey will pay the price if I do not get out and that is not fair either. So we did not speak all weekend. That sucked, but I have nothing to say when she flips out. My dad never knows what to say since they get along better when she is mad at me-- Go Figure? All these years I listen to their mood swings and fights and this is what I get in return. I hope like hell their health gets better and they can take care of themselves since when I am gone they might realize how much of a help I am and how much I worry about them. NO MORE, time for me, time for Honey, Time to GET OUT. So I am going to rent a place in Caledonia I think for a year-- it will be nice to just have a place of my own and then from there I can decide if I want to stick around the area or move out of state. Like I said, Time for ME.

I know this was not a nice post but I was so frustrated and I am sick of things not going my way. Just this year I want one good thing to happen for me. Yeah I have lost 127 pounds, I feel good about that. But it is time to move on...... Anyone have some money to Loan me? Yeah I am working on that part.

FYI-- Honey B graduated Beginner Training Class at Petsmart on 11/9/2006. Woo hoo !! So we are going to enroll in Intermediate started 11/30. I am so proud of her and she has come a long way since this summer. My Puppy Girl will also be 1 year old on Thursday. Gosh how time flew. She makes me so happy, the one thing I look forward to everyday is seeing her.

Okay ending with happy thoughts...... Damn it is Cold !!

The Mississippi Adventure is over.... HOME.

Well I am home. I need to get caught up on sleep-- I kept forgetting where I was last night, the pain of coming home after a trip. All went very well-- I was so happy to see my little brother and his family, new house, etc. He seems very happy and I am so glad. I miss him so much. I wish he was closer all the time. But I will get over my whining someday. I always miss my brothers, even when I am with them. Anyway, that is another story for another day. Enough of my pity party.

The Southern Folks are always so respectful. I think we need some of that up here in the North again. Good old fashion manners. Even I need a lesson in review of those too. Nick has some really good friends and family down there and it is always good to meet them and hang out. We had a cook out on Sunday and bunch came over. Nick got to use his new grill courtesy of Mom and Dad as an Early Birthday/Christmas present. His birthday is Thanksgiving. He was so happy grilling it was nice to see him so content with a house and a grill-- oh and a wife :)

Time is up!
It was nice to get back to work and see everyone. I guess I depend on that more that I realize most days. These "people" at work are my friends too and they make me smile. That is kinda nice. Mom and Dad missed me too- I even got hugs from my Pops. Honey B missed her brother but I think she missed Papa and Grandma more :). Back to work, back to life, back to trying to figure out what I do next.

I had a message to call the Manager in Huntsville. He offered me the job but could not match my paygrade. I had to decline since I did not want to move and take another pay cut. Darn it. I will keep looking, keep watching and waiting. In the meantime I also got a call about some financing I was waiting to come through lets hope for some good news. I just need SOME good news for once for me.

Ok just wanted to post some updates. Glad to be back in Wisconsin for now.