State of Confusion

Back to Blog land.

So the weekend was pretty interesting I must say. I was supposed to meet a guy out on Friday night and he decided not to come out. Well lets just say that did not damper my plans. I had a great time out with some friends from work and also ran into other people I have not seen out in a long time.
Here is my state of confusion: I have not been going out like I used to for the last 6-8 months since my surgery. So a lot of people have not seen me. Now, I get funny looks, like do I know you? Or oh my god you look great ! I cannot handle the attention. Nor do I want it. Yes I feel better, and my health is getting better but I am not mentally there with the weight loss yet. I guess I look in the mirror (as little as possible) and I still see the same old Jen. I appreciate the compliments and I am learning to take them and smile. I guess that is what happens when you lose 137 pounds in 9 months. I can honestly say I have tried hard not to change who I am inside though, but I have my moments. Confusion-- it continues on with the male species. Like I said, I am not one for attention, but my ass was touched way too many times Friday night. What the hell? That is mine, I paid for it. I am just not used to be touched anymore so I am bit stand offish. But I just grin and bear it. So did I mention my date did not come out? Well needless to say I had plenty of entertainment for the evening. We all went to see a live band and danced as well. It was fun, but I can only handle a few drinks and I am done. Maybe that is a good thing. Cheap date- but NOT easy !!

So that was my Friday and I spent the rest of weekend thinking about it all. So much confusion in one night. And my so called date called me on Saturday wanting to go out-- I did not get the message and I was not going out anyway. Oh well let's just see if he calls back. The ball is in his court now.

I was glad to come back to work on Monday-- that means Christmas is less than a week away. I just want to get it all over with. More confusion here- the holidays are not the same without my brothers around, and I can tell that hurts my mom. I do not want Holiday hell drama this year. I guess we are going to my brothers so that will help. I am not even done shopping for my nieces. What do you get a 3 & 4 year old who have everything? Yeah, more confusion.

I hope to do something fun for New Years- but I have to figure that out too. More confusion- who is going out? Who do I go out with? God......it never ends. I refuse to sit home on this holiday as I did that for a few years and it was aweful, I would rather be out with my friends or family.

Okay it is only Tuesday- I have to work all weekend- when the hell am I going to shop? Hopefully it will all fall into place and work out. And let the State of Confusion leave me- cause I need to breathe !!

Honey B says Hi to all- she is being a good girl. She learned how to shake- but not a normal shake, you have to say "what's up" and she throws her paw up. SO CUTE !!

She keeps me sane- or at least at a manageable insanity level. Thank God for my dog.

Peace out my bloggers.

Niffer aka Jen aka Shedevil